Hope No Matter What
04-10-2008
by Kevan Breitinger
Kim Hill’s book, “Hope No Matter What” was written after her divorce, with the help of her two sons. It is an interactive devotional written to help this country’s 14 million single parents guide their kids through the painful fall-out of divorce. Birthed out of the family’s personal story, a spirit of generosity runs through this valuable offering like a vein of gold.
CMCentral (Kevan Breitinger): How much input did Benjamin and Graham have in the writing of “Hope”? (And how old are they now?)
Kim Hill: Graham’s 14 now, and will be 15 in a month, and Benji turned 11 in Feb. They actually helped me come up with some of the activities for the kids to do in the book, and they gave me their opinions on some age appropriateness. I really wanted it to be geared towards elementary age kids with the ability to skew younger or older, but I didn’t want it to seem “too babyish”, which was the complaint I heard for years when I’d try to read something to my boys that was a Christian devotional for kids their ages.
They both think they should be listed as authors since so much of the material is from what we did at night during that first year after my divorce. They’re ready to take it on the road where Graham can speak and Benji can sing and tell kids that they will be ok….I love it!
I love the honesty you encourage in relationships through the book’s stories (“Alone in the Crowd”). How essential do you see this trait in promoting healthy recoveries?
Many parents struggle with knowing how much to share with children. I just read an article in the Nashville paper yesterday regarding the need for parents to be honest with their children. It said, “Kids would rather be around adults who are real, than adults who are perfect”.” The relationships kids value are the ones centered on honesty,” says therapist Paris Brown in the article I read in the Tennessean yesterday… I totally agree!
I’ve always believed that you should tell your children the truth, with regard to their age— they’ll find out the truth one day and small bites of appropriate information along the way will only build a good foundation of trust for them to understand more of their own story as it fits within their parent’s history and their family’s story. As they get older, they start to connect the dots and will respect the parent who helped them navigate their reality as opposed to a parent who denied them the advantage of living in the light of the truth.
That’s not to say you tell them every detail, they don’t need the details, they need to know what they have to deal with so they can work through the grief stages and move on to be healthy children and one day, healthy adults. Both of my boys talk to me honestly about so many areas that are not typical of mother/son relationships and I have to believe that part of the reason they do is that the relationship we have built is an honest one. They know I’m not perfect and they know that I don’t expect them to be, but that I do expect them to be honest.
I also love the constant dependency on the Word reinforced so strongly in “Hope.” How open were your boys to turning it all over to God, and finding hope in His Word?
God’s Word is what held me together as a woman, as a mother during my darkest days and it is what we have all learned to lean on as we travel through this new world of single parenting. Both of my boys have their own relationships with God apart from me. They’ve both made clear professions of their faith and have been baptized. Benjamin most recently on his 11th birthday. The pastor who spoke with him privately said, “there’s no confusion here, Benji loves God with all of his heart and wants to be His young man.”
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As much as I hate the pain my children have experienced, I know that their relationship with God is deeper as a result, because they realize their need more than I ever did at their ages growing up in a Christian family where my parent’s relationship was intact. Recently, Graham had a friend who was really struggling and needed constant assurance that Graham was there for him. Graham realized he was in over his head and on his own, wrote out scriptures and a letter to his friend explaining that he would be there whenever possible, but that he can only be a good friend, but that Jesus can be his best friend, 24/7, who will never disappoint. I cried when Graham asked me to read the letter because I knew he was comforting his friend with the Word the way God had comforted him. Graham was passing on what he had learned in his valley to another boy whose heart was broken.
What attributes of God did your sons tend to cling to the hardest, find the most comforting through the healing process? How about you?
I think my boys both recognize that God is their perfect Father and their best friend. They both frequently talk about seeing God that way. I find it most comforting that God is my Provider and my Protector, the Perfect Husband. Over and over again, the Lord has reminded me that He will take care of us and that my job is only to trust Him. Not to lean on my own understanding and try to work things out myself (which I’m tempted to do on those days when it doesn’t look like things are going to work out), but to take one day at a time and trust Him to direct my path.
I love the way you encourage families to move through the book at their own pace, and the way you picked the time of day that worked best for you and your sons. How important is it for parents to make these devotions fit into their own family rhythms?
I think it’s critical to find what works for each family….each is unique and the last thing I wanted anyone to do with this book is to feel burdened to “get it done”. We have so many activities and assignments; this devotional really should be more like a “first aid clinic” and less like a “duty”…..
A place to get away for a few minutes whenever you can to get a little more “healing ointment” put on your aching heart. I truly hope that in the end, this little book could be a treasured journal for each family that reminds them of all the big and small ways God was faithful to them in their valley.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review this, Kevan.
Thank you, Kim.
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