| devotional by: Steven Delopoulos |
Added: 01-21-2008 |
Refinement: Steven Delopoulos
“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” (Phillipians 2:12-13)
Lately I’ve been in refinement, that fire that God ordains for his children.
My aunt suffered a brain aneurism about two weeks ago. I got the call at about 12:30 a.m. I was getting ready for bed when my mother delivered the news that my aunt, who’s like a mother to me, had to be flown to New York and needed an operation. The doctors didn’t know if she would make it. I froze as all the color fled from my face, struggling to process my thoughts. In panic, I began to pace up and down my staircase, remembering and forgetting to pray, all at the same time. Those fearful moments are the shadowlands. They leave us uncertain and unatoned, just like a thief on the cross.
This gray area of faith has been a theme in my life for the past ten years: having knowledge of the Word and yet failing to experience the grace written throughout the scripture. It’s that bridge of the pentacostal and protestant. It’s the marriage of the fire and zeal of John partnered with the logical aspect of Luke. As a Christian, I strive for this communion.
Not to be too indulgent, here, but in blatant honesty, panic attacks visit from time to time. Fear creeps into my foundation, leaving me frozen in the wild, separated from all that’s good: separated from God. I take a deep breath, switch to auto-pilot like a meal in the microwave and try my best to shut down my brain. No music, television, conversation…just the quiet white wall in an attempt to find that house of thought and solace: the balance between the wonderful harmony of car horns and the still river of Jordan.
As the clutter of the world entertains my thoughts, creating traffic in my brain, images trap inside my subconscious and linger. Terrorism, earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes…I can’t help but notice these thoughts shifting my patterns, devouring my pleasant, caffeinated, daily routine. Time reveals itself in fractions, echoing pain and joy, birth and death, dark and light. This duality cannot be ignored. If pondered upon too long, it can create a slight sense of hopelessness, and even identity crisis. And then I remember salvation.
Salvation is a one-time deal, but the experience of salvation is revealed as a process. We reconcile, recover, and slowly fall back into that cycle of being human. God slowly refines his children, knowing our full ability to process this experience. It is our human nature to view refinement as suffering, but I choose to see it as a means to spiritual advancement and hence a manifestation of God's grace. Refinement presents opportunities for us to grow, purify our faith, examine our flaws, and awaken our spirit for the next chapter.
This is the mystery of refinement: that paradoxical Grace that communicates through our suffering, in turn, revealing our Lord’s physical death and resurrection. This is why we have a human God, Jesus Christ: a God who communes with us in our suffering. He reveals Himself in our baptism. In this way, the process of salvation is our personal death and resurrection.
Father God, we thank you for the process of refinement and the many ways you call your children back home.
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